I'm bonking and I'm not even on my bike.
I had a hard workout week last week that ended with a 3-day workout bender - hard night at the gym on Thursday, my first spinning class ever (taught by a friend) on Friday night, and a 3-hour ride outside on Saturday morning when it was crazy windy and the windchill was biting. I followed that up with too much alcohol over an extremely fun dinner with friends on Saturday night and then I hit the wall on Sunday. And I've spent this last week fighting a looming scratchy throat and headaches while working long hours at work trying to meet a deadline. I've been drinking the EmerGen-C's and tea, and sucking down Halls Defense like nobody's business, but I keep waking up feeling the same. I'm starting to think it's stress induced.
The one thing I really dislike about bike racing is that I always feel guilty when I'm not training in some way, shape, or form. It pisses me off. I shouldn't feel guilty about that, but I totally do. Unfortunately, the nature of my work requires that I occasionally have to work some long hours to meet deadlines. I like my job, so that doesn't bother me, except for the fact that long hours at work is not conducive to training. So I find myself stressing out that I'm trying to meet a deadline, and then stressing out that I'm not working out, and then stressing out that I'm stressed out about bike races that aren't until April! I'm just not good at this whole "balance" thing - I honestly don't know how people can balance a full-time job, families, and training/bike racing all at once. And I even live with someone who seems to do a much better job with it than me, and even gets some good race results come racing season. I just get tired of not having a life outside of work or cycling. I miss my old life sometimes. And I'm just a Cat 4 - is it really worth all the time and stress just to be able to keep up with the other Cat 4's?
There are times when I go without riding or training for a few days, and I enjoy the things I get to do in lieu of sweating my ass off, and those are the times that I tell myself that I need to be done with this whole bike racing thing soon. Then I'll go for a ride that weekend, and I'll remember why I'm not ready to give it up just yet. But damn, I feel like I'm too old to be trying to squeeze so many things into one day, one week, one year.
But today Dis was the savior because he sent out the final design for our sweet new LGR kits! So this morning I may have been ready to give up bike racing, but then I saw the kits, and I realized that I'm really excited about this season, even if it could be my last.